Issue 1 Vol. 4

FW**C NEWS

*Post edited for content and offensive nature

WE'RE DOOMED!!!!

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rownta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning; May cause drowsiness.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

People in the news

Ashley G... Congrats! You've made the fwbbc gist. I have never seen a worse display of ping-pong. I thought I would never have to take back the fact that Jared was the WORST player ever, but I am. If Jared is like a crippled man getting back into his wheelchair, then you are like a person who is... dead. I'm sorry to say it, I hope you don't get offended... but its true.

Need proof?

1- Little black things aren't always called "grasshoppers". -- Let me set the stage. Ashley was playing ping-pong with Ryan. She gets the ball and sees a small black object on the floor. She points in its general direction and exclaims, "Is that a grassshooooper?!?" to which Jeremy Cr... says, "Nope. Thats a couch."

2- Those watching saw the fact that she was having difficulty keeping up with the score. 7-3? 4-10? 14-27? -- One person remarked, "Its like a remedial math class."

3- When someone watches a ball bounce twice on their side and then exclaims, "It booouncedd twwwiiiccee on myyhhhh siide." In a very surprised voice... has no business playing ping-pong.

Please remember Alan S. in your spirtiual life groups

Underground sources say his welfare, pregnet girlfriend-husband (the prisoner remember?) may be getting out. Sources say he may be entering the witness protection program soon.