Admissions, Retractions and Exasperations
Issue 1 Vol. 5
Fw**c News
*Post edited for content and offensive nature
People In the News
Firstly, I would like to retract a former comment. Being related to AJ W. and Kelly S. won't be so bad. I mean think about it... No, just kidding. I don't want to get into anymore trouble. So, I will leave it with "I love AJ and he is the great and wonderful master of FWBBC and he is my uncle." [Entire statement made under distress!]
David J... I would like to announce to the entire world the wonderful news! I know David told me not to, but I just have to! Firstly, I'd have to say, I hate to say I told you so-- but ... I have been teasing David about liking Hannah for a very long time. Now, he has decided to do something about it. Hannah and David have a date on Saturday!! YAY! I would like to be considered for best-man since I am the reason you two are getting married [just a matter of time].
This is a question for all of our readers: "If a group of girls [3] drive up beside you and want to talk to you... does it mean they like you?" This is a question by one of our frequent "people in the news." I would like your comments so we might help our way-ward love struck friend. As I promised, no names will be mentioned. Your welcome Jared.
Can we find a speaker who doesn't curse?
Well, the Forlines lectures are over. I have been emotionally drained over the past two days. Ruth, interesting... sure, it is in the Bible. Maybe it is because I have the attention span of a drunk guy on COPS [Bad boys, bad boys..], but I cannot sit for 2 hours! To top it off, I don't really think I should sit and listen to profanity! I'm all for women's right to vote, the emancipation proclamation (even if Jackson says South Carolina will succeed again), but I do not believe in the word **** being said from the pulpit. I will share some of the more interesting things that have happened during church and "slips".
Other Instances of embarrassing moments in churches:
Probable true story [told to me by a friend in High school, I wasn't there, but he swears it really happened.] In Nebo, NC-- a church was in the process of moving. They were meeting in a gutted out double-wide trailer on the side of HWY 70s. The service was beginning and after the prayer the pastor was getting into his sermon. He went to step off the platform when he happened to slip. Not only did he fall on his tush, but the words "God ****" (Same word as the Canadian immigrant, Daniel Bloc said) came out of his mouth. The church gasped and the next Sunday they had a visiting pastor...
Another instance involved a pastor who left his lapel mic on. The story goes that prior to the sermon, the pastor had to use the restroom (Num. 2, for those of you who don't know what that is, he had to pooh). The lapel mic was on. Uh-oh! As the church members were filing in the sanctuary, you know, the place where God meets you and you worship Him? Over the speakers came sounds that only men should hear (in Goen, or elsewhere). Needless to say, an apology came and the pastor was highly embarrassed. Too bad he didn't have hemorrhoids like one frequent reader.
Have something Newsworthy?!?!? Post a comment and we will investigate!
posted by J Lane at
8:14 PM
3 Comments:
Ok, I guess the cat's out of the bag and everybody knows about my secret crush on David Jones. I was using Jacob and Ryan to get to David. But I guess since everybody knows that I like him, I'll have to confess that I like several other guys as well. Let's see, although I was using Jacob and Ryan, I think I grew to like them...maybe even love...hmm...anyway...there's more! I have a crush on Jeremy Cr. as well. Jared plays ping pong with me, I think thats so cool, so I like him too. Matt is hot when he plays the piano. I did like Jamie until he got engaged. I think I'm inlove with Ezra, and Bobby is definately one of my fav crushes!! As Ryan would say, I think he's the flava! Caleb Creech and I are secretly dating. And, well any other guy you see me talking you, yup I like them! You heard it straight from the playa herself! I like boys, lots and lots of boys. Sorry Jamie, can't use that against me now, I admitted to it! :)
By
Hannah, at 10:14 AM
First of all, the name is Riley, Amon Riley and seeing how one can just click on my profile and see the real name, it was not an attempt to hide my identity. The name is just a character I have used since highschool. Think of it as Samuel Clemmens using the name Mark Twain.
Anyway, now the real reason why I even bothered to type this message. I would like to comment on the speaker for the Forline Lectures. Never have I ever heard such a excellent study on the book of Ruth. I mean it was really good. It was exciting, meaningful, and very applicable to many of the things I have been dealing with lately in my life. Just because the man says "Damn" to illustrate a curse should not take away from that message. I think he handled the profanity in an academic and proper way. I mean it would have just been ridiculous if he stated "Darn."
Well, that's all I have to say about that. Everyone have a wonderful day.
By
Lance Williams, at 1:59 PM
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By
Alan, at 1:26 PM
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